Hello, how are you?

Are you a fan of Sundays? All shops are closed, people are in their own world, the TV only offers reruns of bad shows. But it means less noise, more time to yourself, and hours to put to good use!

Today, I feel like sharing something personal (again!). You’ve been warned!

images

Hello… How are you?

I hate January. Ten years ago, my loving and sweet great-grandmother passed away. The post-holiday season is harsh and brings back reality. Prices go up on January 1st thanks to our government. I could go on.

But today’s post is not just about some January blues.

Today is about making sure those bad days/weeks/months don’t go bottled up in ourselves and make us explode one day for no apparent reason (I tend to do this once in a while and it’s no fun for anyone, especially those around us. Because, of course, you can’t let your feelings go just when an idiot cuts the road in front of you and you need all the strength in your lungs to shout insults at him. What, you don’t do that???)

‘Hi, how are you?’

Have you spoken those words recently? I am sure you will. But did you really mean them? Were you ready for a different answer than the correct ‘yes, and you?’ expected reply.

When I ask this simple question, I mean it. I’m no better than anyone else. I just blame my hypersensitivity and devouring empathy for that. Your problems become mine and I do my best to help. I am lucky to know people who care, too. With kindness, they help me go through whatever is going on. Few are the people I confide in, though. I don’t want to be the boring whining girl who always has a problem.

Do you have someone you can turn to and truly vent? Someone who doesn’t run the other way when you open your heart and share your problems? I hope you do. If you don’t, you should know there is probably someone around who wants to help but doesn’t dare. I know I fall into this category. I am not good at striking up a conversation with people I consider my online friends. I don’t want to bother them, I don’t think they’d want to talk about their problems with me, I am not sure I can make them smile, I don’t know if I can come up with interesting things to say. I’ve already talked about it, but I feel it is connected with today’s particular subject.

Make the effort. Open that conversation on your laptop, your phone, or in the street (Yes, it’s an advice to myself!)

‘Hello. How are you?’

This Sunday is all about admitting you’re not okay. I’ve been rehashing in my mind a conversation I had with one of my closest friends about how an illness make us more prone to mood changes and how we struggle to live with them. It is difficult to explain that you’re feeling all shiny and bright in the morning, only to be down and close to tears a few hours later. But it’s okay. And it doesn’t have to come from being ill.

We’re all allowed to feel down, to be moody, to feel as if you want to strangle the next person who says ‘anything can happen with effort and work’ because a whole inside of you is whispering that it won’t happen to you, or that you are not good enough.

These days, I am guilty of escaping life by jumping from one book to another to forget I can’t make things happen and to avoid that voice that says it’s because I’m lazy. It’s a crazy voice, usually one that resembles an old teacher you hated.

‘Hello, how are you?’

Today, the sky is clear. The rain has gone. But the clouds remain in my head. I feel awful being away from my friends. I feel useless because things are not going well for my plans. I feel bad because I am impatient and make mistakes.

Hi, how are you?

I’m not looking for sympathy. I just don’t want others to feel this way and feel alone. I wish there was a magic spell you make you feel better when peanut butter fails but they haven’t found one yet.

Do something that makes you happy. Take a bath. Grab a book. Binge-watch your favourite TV show (except if it’s Grey’s Anatomy cos you’ll probably cry a million times). Go for a walk. Talk to someone.

I don’t feel at my best, so I am writing this. I will be posting, with a nagging doubt that I shouldn’t share so much. Some might think this is a self-pity post and that I should get a grip. That vulnerability doesn’t look good and if I wanted, I would do what needs to be done to see things happen. I say ‘life is more complicated than that, even with my beautiful hair.’ If I need to share, so be it. This post is a way to lift a weight off my chest, and it might help someone. Who knows? Therefore I will publish this anyway because writing makes me feel better. Then I’ll run a bath and use my beauty products. I’ll be a Barbie for an hour. After this, I’ll grab my blanket and a book. Each minute feels like an hour, but I fight this feeling with every available weapon until I shut that bad mouth up and feel okay again.

And tomorrow, I’ll ask: ‘How are you?’ and I hope to be there if you need me.

Here’s a rainbow. I tried to catch the unicorn running on it but she was too fast…

Ps; I’m not sure I’m making much sense today, but it’s okay. Life doesn’t make much sense anyway!

Screenshot 2019-02-03 at 11.32.10 AM.png

 

 

37 comments

  1. Hey Meggles. This is a beautifully honest post. I hope you feel better soon. I also suffer from the same ‘high one minute, low the next’ feelings you describe above; it happened last week. I lose myself in books and blogging. It does help. I don’t really have people to talk to, so immersing myself into those things helps me greatly. I can talk to my kids (they’re both in their 20s now), and they are a great support when I need it, but I don’t want to be a burden to them. They are wonderful. You’re a shining star in my online world, Meggy. Don’t worry, it’ll son be Monday 😉😫

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, SuperMart, this comment goes straight to my heart. Let’s fight clouds and loneliness together 🙂 It can be so frustrating to feel this way, because it’s not as if you could change it all in a few minutes and a soup recipe. This blog is my haven, and I am grateful because it offers me friends like you, who don’t judge and who share. I feel less lonely tonight, so thank you. I use to talk to my mom but she has her own issues and like you, I don’t want to burden my family too much, no matter how supportive and understanding they are.
      I’m glad you’re around, even if you remind me that Monday is coming and I hate them 😂😘

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Agree, agree, agree! I’ve been feeling rather down this January and it seems to be dragging on into February, but I know that some human interaction and conversations with dear friends (and, increasingly, with my own boys) can really help.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post, thank you for sharing.I feel like “how are you?” became a sort of “hello” it means nothing to most people because they don’t want to hear your answer they just want to be polite. It’s something that I saw before, people running into someone saying, “Hey how are you?” and without waiting for the answer they walked off. But to someone who feels alone, or someone having a hard time that question and its answer can actually help them.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel you Meggy! I’ve had an up and down weekend myself making me doubt my choices so much. I’m indecive on the best of days but now I had to make choices (silly kitchen choices) and I didn’t like it one bit. My head hurt yesterday and today again from all the tension… I’m absolutely not sure I made the right choices. They tell me not to look back and live with the choices I made and be just happy with them but it’s not easy, I love looking back apparently :-). I’m also super scared I’m not going to like it where I’m going (in a year but it feels as if it’ll be there tomorrow) and I sort of don’t want to think about it and ignore it but I can’t, it’s constantly in my thoughts. There, I vented too.. sorry to have used your blog Meggy! You can always talk to me about your worries you know, I don’t say much (irl or online) but I’m a great listener :-), just so you know. I’m sure good things will happen for you though, they must! They are just waiting for the right time 😉 xxx

    Like

    • No choices are silly, they involve so much. Be proud of yourself for making them, and don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s scary to make choices. I look back a lot, too!! Pretty sure I’ll hurt my neck one day xD
      The waiting and choosing for your house… I understand how nervous it can make you feel. Big changes always do that. But nothing is set on stone and I’ll come and help you paint or whatever should you need it 🙂 Please, don’t ever hesitate to tell me about anything bothering you. You’re one of my favourite people and I’m always here if you need ❤️
      I’ll remember that. And won’t hesitate to bore your lovely ears 🙂 Thank you so much for this comment, lovely xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you so much for your kind and lovely words Meggy, I read them several times and try to memorise them :-). It always seems easier to give advice if it concerns someone else but for yourself it’s not so easy, right ? :-). It’s soooo sweet of you to offer to help me! You’re welcome to come over any time though, no work needed, just bookish talk would make me very happy already. Besides I think I’ll keep the walls white perhaps at first so that doesn’t need painting then (I hope). I haven’t thought so far along yet. Thanks again!

        Like

        • I’m super late to reply 😱 It’s definitely easier to help and give advice, instead of following your own words or even seeing things in a different perspective when it’s about you. I’ll take you up on that some day! We need some buddy bookish time and you’re one of the few I know is not a serial killer :p I kept my walls white and I’m gonna paint a big OM in Sanskrit above my bed! xxx

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Your posts, no matter how up or down are always helping someone out there. In Ireland we’re probably the worst at saying how are you and waiting for a ‘grand, not a bother or something like that. I’ve always noticed on holidays if you say it people start ( shock horror;)) talking to you and we feel back in terror at having to make conversation, then they’re confused as to why we’re hurrying off!!! I also do lucky in having people I can talk to, but then I have a lot of people who do just want to hear the good too, but I will listen more to see if they need one of the former people in their life too. Great post Meggy, take care, and I hope today something lovely happens x

    Like

    • Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🙂 Those posts are tricky as I feel they’re important but I always fear they can be too personal and be used against me.
      I love your comment, and the fact you’re aware of how people react to this simple question. I am glad you have people to listen to you and be there for you 🙂 xx

      Like

  6. Well, I needed this post, too, my sweechie, thank you for having the courage to write down all of your feelings and sharing them like that, they really echoed with me a whole lot. I hope that you are doing good today and always, always know that I am just a message away if you want to rant about anything, I’ll always be listening and here for you. Love you tons ❤

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.