Posted in Blogging Life

Blog Therapy n°5: What’s in a Name? Meet Meggy Roussel! Different Name,same Favorite Redhead

Today I’m getting naked in front of you, friends, readers, strangers, passer-by…

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What’s in a name?

A name is an identity, your business card, what distinguishes you from others (Sorry to all the Emmas and Lohans who are five per class!). But a name can also be a coat, a mask, a glass wall between you and others.

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Unless it’s the police or the dentist (or the pub when you’re like me and look 12), you won’t be asked for a personal ID, so you can create, or recreate yourself and pick a brand new name. There are a hundred reasons, one being you’re being chased by a dragon eater and you are fleeing to protect your baby. One being your name is too heavy to carry, so you want to start anew. Internet allows you to do this. I took advantage of it and used a nickname I had received from someone special.

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A year a half ago, I was unable to say my name was Meggy.

Why?

Here I am again, revealing more about myself! Let’s go for some history and non-interesting ramblings.

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Growing up, I did not know who I was, neither did I know who I was supposed to be. Because I was convinced I was supposed to be the little girl, the young girl, the teenager, people wanted me to be. I was different depending on the person I was with. Each and everyone of those people had expectations from me, I don’t blame them. I just couldn’t figure out who I was, so I relied on their words. Shy, quiet, too skinny, excellent pupil. I let adults define me, but also my peers.

I was bullied from elementary school to high school, from the name calling, the pushing on the road when cars were near enough for me to feel them brush me, to the illegal videos of me taken without my knowledge and posted on a blog where everyone could comment and have fun. (Yes, the cops were involved.) I thought this was all that Meggy would ever be. The weak, poor, and unpopular girl no one wanted in their sports team.

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If you haven’t cried at all, you are not into the story, come back later! :p

Then Meggy found her way to university. She made a bad call by trying to create different bounds with people who had judged her years ago and were supposed to be family. It left her dropping out of Law School after only two months and she discovered the joy that is agoraphobia. It took a year and a half, but a miracle happened (and her mother!) and Meggy got better, not thanks to the doctors!

She discovered she was stronger than she thought, she started yoga and discovered her body had nothing to be ashamed of. She was the kind girl in the top 5 of the class chatting with everyone. Okay, so, she still had issues with her chin (major complex!) but she was happy. She was twenty, the world was hers, and she thought she had found herself.

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But life and its stupid sense of humor did it like in the movies; they took a chair and threw it into the glass of the giant bubble of happiness Meggy had created for herself. Emergency traveling back to France in bad shape, happiness gone again after two years and a half.

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This is when Meggy decided she couldn’t do it. She did not have what it took to face life and all the terrible things it had in store for her. This was 2014. She let depression, anxiety, and agoraphobia take control and let go of all the wonderful things she had proven herself she was able to do.

Come December 2015. A book. A blog. A new hobby? But she did not want to jinx it with her name, she did not want the skin of who she was to come and ruin what could be a fun thing. So she chose a name close to her heart. Donna. Fierce, resilient, witty, and not-taking-shit-from-anyone Donna. They say anonymity is okay online, right?

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Will is a bit extreme here but… Donna took the leap and started blogging. The grey days finally had a purpose, and she quickly fit into this world of books and passionate people. She was not rejected, she was appreciated for who she was, she had no past but was creating a present, and a path to a future.

I have said already, but this blog has saved me in many ways. Keeping me busy, keeping me talking to fantastic people despite being stuck at home, keeping me living vicariously through books. Now, this blog has also brought me a new career path!

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During my interview this week (for a publishing degree if you are new here!), I was asked if working under a pseudonym would be a problem for me if I intended to keep working with the people I knew. I said no. I believed it when I said it. But this innocent question has been nagging me since then.

I am Donna. I am the lover of all things creepy, the insomniac, the bra size according to my friend Dee, the sometimes fun girl you can talk to on Twitter, the Orenbabies addict, the not-always confident reviewer, the happy listener to Kat’s TV show recommendations.

But.

Last night it struck me.

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I have never hidden who I was on the Internet or pretended to be someone I am not, and I was accepted. Donna, Meggy, whatever the name, the person behind it has her place around here (I hope!)

The name Donna was vital when I thought I needed extra help to be myself, and you all proved me I did not have to. You showed me it was okay to be crazy and passionate and honest. This is me being honest. I have learned who I was, and discovered who I wanted to be. Donna is me, a part of me. But the entire package is called Meggy. And Meggy has made peace with her past, with herself, and is ready to face the world thanks to the support and love she gets every day. 

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It’s time to give Meggy her place back, now that the Donna part of her has proven that there are so much more to Meggy than her past, what people thought about her, and what she has been through. Donna is not stronger, she is a side of her that pushed Meggy to realize all she had been through had made her stronger.

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Now I sound totally crazy, I admit it, and if you’ve read until the end, you’re a friend!

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I’ll be changing my name on the blog and everywhere else on the Internet, my picture will let you know it’s me, and I hope Meggy won’t lose anything by coming out of the closet, for good this time. My therapist said it was time to create my identity. Well, nice to meet you, I’m Meggy Roussel.

PS: I still love and hold dear all mentions and signed books to Donna Roussel (can’t believe it happened!), because she’s a part of me and will forever be. But I need to be true to myself from now on, and stop being afraid of being Meggy.

PS2: I followed the wonderful idea of a great blogger to come out of the name closet! Thank you for showing me the way, Jen!

84 thoughts on “Blog Therapy n°5: What’s in a Name? Meet Meggy Roussel! Different Name,same Favorite Redhead

  1. Wow. Great post! Congratulations on finding the strength and courage to take this next step forward. It’s lovely to meet you Meggy and I look forward to continuing to read and follow all your wonderful reviews!

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  2. Nice to meet you too Meggy! That’s one hell of a story. You’ve been through so much. And to come out on top after it all – stronger and with a bright future filled with things you love – is such an inspiration! Thanks so much for sharing. I’m sure most of that was hard. I’m still fighting my anxiety demons but this blog has given me such a sense of accomplishment and success 🙂 thanks again for sharing your story!!

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    1. My hope with those posts is to help, even just a little, or to brighten a day, make a little difference, so your comment means a lot to me. Thank you so much for your sweet words. We will never stop fighting those demons, but some can be put in boxes and put away so we feel lighter and stronger. Even little things. I was afraid sharing all of this would only make everyone think I was looking for pity, but then I thought I wasn’t the only one who had been through this, and it was part of the steps I needed to take to grow, so I let it all go on the page, and I have no regrets. Thank you for reading and thank you for being an anxiety warrior companion! 🙂

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      1. I totally understand your fears of posting something so personal. But when we open up and share our struggles we learn we aren’t alone, and it helps others know they aren’t alone too. I’m learning to box up my demons. And at times we have no choice. So many others don’t understand what it’s like to deal with anxiety or depression. It’s nice to not feel alone sometimes 🙂

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  3. This is so inspiring. I’m glad you just started using your real identity everywhere (even when the name doesn’t matter, what matters is that it is you). And nice to meet you Meggy (beautiful name😄) Go girl!

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  4. I don’t understand why people do this bullying and harassing others. What they get by doing so! “Live and let live” who made this saying when more than half of the population of the world is never going to follow it. Whenever I read a book about this topic I feel so angry, before even character do anything I start yelling at that bully.
    I’m “Live and let live” attitude person and have this habit of liking or disliking person in less time. If I like I stay, if I don’t I stay away. I don’t know you for very long, not even more than your name and reviews, but I like you. Your story made me like you even more. Stay positive and brave. 🙂

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    1. I never understood either, but I promised myself to never let it making me bitter. It would be much easier if everyone was doing it your way! What makes me sad is that it is getting worse every year, and no one is doing anything against it. I made it through, but lots of people struggle and it’s not fair. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, and for your kind words 🙂 I’ll never stop fighting 🙂

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  5. Oh, my Sweechie. This is such a lovely post – I’m so glad you decided to share all of this with us, feel comfortable and good to do so.
    I am so,so sorry I am MAD that you went through all of this, the bullying, the STUPID people and that they are just blind enough not to see how awesome you are. I’m glad you are taking this step and showing who you are, that you’re ready to do so. Meggy, Donna, you’ll always be my Sweechie no matter what! ❤

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    1. And I always want to be your Sweechie ❤ Haha, in fact, yeah, this doesn't change a thing for you :p
      Those words are things I have never talked about much with anyone, and yet, yesterday, I felt the urge to put it all in a post and just let it go. I love this blog therapy! It's even better than my real therapy!!!
      You know what? I'm not sorry I went through all this 🙂 It made me who I am today, and who I am today is here, friend with you, and happy. I'm just glad I made it through it all. Thank you so much my Sweechie. I have learned, and I am still learning about how not to let other's opinion matter, but to know I am appreciated and understood here is the most comforting feeling. Love you my Sweechie ❤

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      1. Writing it all down can be SO therapeutic! I’m so happy you’re doing this ❤
        I understand it so much about others' opinions, it is something I am having a hard time with as well. But you ARE awesome (just like Donna, but most importantly, just like, well…YOURSELF) ❤ ❤

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  6. Well if that didn’t make me love you even more, I don’t know what will! So lovely to meet you Meggy 😍

    Ps Meggy sounds like a proper little warrior, armour on & ready to be. So proud of you my darling, you’ve blossomed & should never ever be made to feel like you aren’t good enough, or waffley enough or anything. Meggy is a rockstar that I am PROUD to call my friend xxxxx

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    1. I should have known a comment from you would not leave me unmoved! Hello my dearest ❤ I feel like I'm on repeat all the time but I believe in saying it when you mean it, so thank you for holding my hand on this journey ❤ I'm grateful and so so proud to be your friend! xxxx

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  7. Hi Meggy pleased to meet you,such a heartfelt post, bullying is such a awful thing and there are so many people who are suffering mental health issues in their adulthood because of it. I’m so happy for you that you are able to share your thoughts and feelings with others. 😘😘😘

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    1. Hi Lorraine! 🙂 Thank you so much for taking the time to visit and comment ❤ Bullying and a difficult family history, we are too many having suffered or even now suffering from this, but I hope by sharing I can put it all once and for all behind me, and help anyone who might find some comfort in this little post. xxxx

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  8. Donna, Meggy … A name makes no difference to me if you are a good person and you are one of the best. I’m sorry you had to go through crap when you were younger, people can behave in strange ways. You are an incredible lady and, more importantly, you are one of the kindest I have met. I’m so happy for your success at getting on the Publishing degree and the future holds nothing but good things for you. Your Lady Skull xxx

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    1. You made me tear up! Thank you for being my friend, dear Lady Skull, and for being such an amazing support and inspiration! Being called kind is a wonderful compliment for me, a revenge that proves nothing I went through broke the core of what I am, and I do want to stay kind, no matter what. Thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. What a beautifully raw story! I’ll always hold dear to my memories with Donna (we’ll let that scrapper keep being the orenDa) and you and I can share the E! 😘 Nice to meet you Meggy; welcoming you with a giant, toothy smile and open arms!

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  10. Nice to meet you, Meggy, though I feel I already know you! I’m Leah, BTW, but I’ve been FF for so long now, more people actually call me that than my real name, and I kinda like it. Book blogging is a great thing for confidence building, I’ve found – it’s such an open, generous community. I’m glad you found your way to it… 😀

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  11. Good morning. I read all the way to the end, Friend. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to put it all out there. Sometimes just putting things in words, sharing with others and accepting what’s around you gives you the power back. It’s been working in my 365 Challenge. I think this may work for you, too. 🙂 Congrats on an amazing post.

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  12. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that!! Had a similar experience during high school/ part of Uni so I can relate… It’s incredible people can be so cruel to other human beings. But in the end you came out stronger and they can go $%&” themselves (if anyone complains you can blame it on me). 😉 I SO admire you for your strength and everything you have achieved so far!! ❤ Nice to meet you Meggy; you know we will love you no matter what your name is. ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. My lovely friend ❤ Thank you! The weight of the bullying and the family history is gone and I think I've never felt so light and happy with my name 🙂 I don't need the extra mile to be accepted here and it is such a relief and few will ever know how lucky and grateful I feel. I'm sorry we had similar experience, I guess you understand then, and you are here, and this is the best gift. Lots of love! xxx

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      1. ❤ I'm so happy for you!! Don't let anyone ever take it away from you again… You know you deserve the best! And I guess I have to thank the bullies in a way, because I would have never taken the decision to study abroad and travel if it wouldn't have been for them… It's not that my self-confidence has ever been fully restored and I still struggle with social anxiety, but those nasty experiences have definitely made me a lot stronger and more resistant to those bad days (plus, I met my soulmate during my travels in Latin America; something that would never have happened if not for the bad things). 😉 Sending lots of hugs your way!!

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        1. ❤ I'll fight tooth and nails now to stay the person I am, and keep growing! I feel the same way, I wouldn't change my past because it has brought me where I am now, and without those hardships, I would have been a different person. I am okay, and happy, with who I am, so thank you, stupid people who made life hell for so long. And F*** you!
          It does leave scars, though, and there's always gonna be a little piece of us that never totally fit into our big heart, but we are strong, we win, we are the best 🙂 Lots of love and hugs your way, my friend ❤

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  13. So proud of you! You are doing so great girl, and even if you’re ready, it still takes a little guts to share this with everyone.. but then you are one gutsy lady to me! It’s so nice to meet you Meggy! It’s going to take some getting used to though cos you’re so ‘Donna’ to me. Maybe it’ll help if I think of the bra brand every time now ;-).

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  14. Hello Meggy Roussel. What a brave post and a brave and brilliant lady you are. I think this was a big step for you, and you took it and soared!
    You have come through some really tough times, but now you have so much to look forward to.
    I love your name. But Donna, Meggy or choconwaffles you are you at heart and soul. And you are loved.
    Congratulations on flying through blog therapy number 5.
    Lots of love and friendship always. Amanda. xx

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    1. Hi my dear Amanda 🙂 It feels very good to be able to meet you again, this time with my full self, haha!
      Thank you so much for your words, I’m sure I’ve said it before, but they spur me to keep staying positive, keep trying, and keep sharing. It is so sweet and wonderful to know there are people who know you, more than some do in real life, and love you anyway.
      Lots of love, gratitude, and hugs from your French friend xxx

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  15. Hello again lovely Meggy. I’ve already told you how much I love your name but you are a beautiful, sharing person (and definitely not crazy!) and should be on here under whatever name you want to be 🙂 Meggy Roussel has such a fabulous ring to it as well!!

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  16. This is such an incredible post, and I am so glad you feel comfortable in yourself and in the WordPress community to talk about all this now. 🙂 I think Meggy is a beautiful name, I may slip up every now and again and still call you Donna but I’ll try not to (I’m just absolutely terrible with names, I’m always getting them mixed up in my head).
    It’s horrible you had to go through all you did in high school/uni, but I’m definitely glad you’re doing better now, and I hope you continue to do better for a long long time to come. 🙂 ❤

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    1. Thank you so much, Beth 🙂 I loved my nickname but I felt it was hiding a part of me that I should not be ashamed of anymore, so I decided to be honest. No more big revelations, I think, haha! Donna is forever with me so it is totally okay, I still answer to it more than to Meggy!
      I feel strong enough now to face things I thought I never would, so fingers crossed I keep this strength going ❤ Thank you for your support!!

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      1. That’s all right, and I guess it’s good you can look back on your experiences as Donna and feel like you can move forwards again you know? It helps that you have Meggy in your blog name now when it comes to WordPress comments.
        That’s great to hear, ❤️ and that’s all right! 🙂

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  17. Wow! What a personal and moving post, Meggy! I will be sure to use that name going forward. Good for you for opening up to all of us like that! Lots of love from all your blogger friends! <3<3<3

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  18. Whether you are Donna or Meggy, you are still wonderful and I am proud to “know” you and call you my friend. I love the name Meggy. It suits you. It’s the best kind of quirky – just like you! 😘 Stay special my sweet! x

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  19. Hi Meggy!!! 🙂
    (just joking now but)- I knew you didn’t look like a Donna… 😀 hahaha 😉 But seriously… I totally get the name thing… It was a change you needed and you put it to good use! It seems like you’ve come the full circle and you learned what you had to learn- that you can be yourself no matter what your name and we will love you, damn it! We do! 🙂
    Also- let me know if you need me to come over in my full goth gear to kick some bully-ass! Nobody messes our Meggy!

    You are a wonderful young woman! You’ve had such a journey already full of difficulties.. but you know what? You have a fabulous future ahead of you! Enjoy and never let the past hurts take you down any longer! You deserve to be happy ❤

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    1. Hahaha, I don’t have enough boobs to be a full Donna :p
      Thank you SO MUCH my dear, for those words that warm my heart and confirm I have made the right decision. I was tired of fighting a past I can’t erase, it was time to accept it, and after all, it has made me who I am today, and I’m quite happy with the person I have become. You brought a smile to my face and a sun in my heart with your comment! ❤

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      1. hahaha… tmi alert- neither do I! 😀

        And you’re welcome… I do believe every person has to individually and eventually find their own way… I went through the same process myself but once you do find yourself and be who you want/need to be, things get easier… sure, life always throws obstacles in our way, but we’re girl power and we kick ass! 😉

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  20. Amazing story! It’s so nice to meet you!

    I think stories like yours are so compelling because a lot of us have felt like we couldn’t be our true selves. I definitely am more myself online than anywhere else. I’m also so so so glad that blogging has helped pull you through a tough time with your mental health. Connecting with other people is one of the main reasons I blog, and it can really do wonders for how we feel about ourselves. Thank you for sharing this ❤

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  21. You are an inspiration. Meggy will get some getting used to but I do love the fact that you decided to use your real identity and Meggy is such a pretty name. I am sorry to hear about the bullying and I am so proud of you for all the milestones that you have made. Nice to meet you Meggy ❤

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  22. Nice to meet you too Meggy 😀 This is such a moving and beautiful post- it shows incredible courage that you’ve come out of the anonymity closet and have reclaimed your name 😀 So inspiring!!! You rock!!! (also have a banana on me 😉 )

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